Currently smoking a spliff, and listening to socialogic.  fave day of the week is Tuesday.  Also Tea Fannie tuesday just aired on CKXU, episode with my big bro K-Riz and I.  Oh and I'm making a burger in the oven right now.  got tired of stove top and I'm doing too much rn.  had a good friend ask me if i think im doing too much today, and to be fair, i can see how it looks so, but its weird to explain, its just a path I'm supposed to follow for now.  maybe there're skills i need to acquire, or maybe i need to fully burn out. i dont know. but i know that for now i'm just going until i'm not supposed to anymore.  writing this live on camera too, haha ay we live on twitch, socialogic, every tuesday night. vibes. 

ok just flipped my burger and pressed lap on my timer.  its weird. i dont use the countdown timer, i use the stopwatch because i'm trying to get a feel for how long things take to cook and not rely solely on a timer if that makes sense?  not for any reason at all, just because. lol  i also don't own a microwave, don't buy me one, get me an air fryer if anything lol.  i want to jump on that hypetrain so bad. 

back to, am i doin too much?  i know the focus is on the music but recently my "spare" time has been towards the weekly podcast.  Someone anonymously asked me if i think community radio is worth it.  i said hell ya because my show especially is all about canadian music and i want to showcase a station can be just that, all canadian hands dipped.  my show tonight was all songs that most people (including me) didn't even know were written or produced by canadians.  like bitch betta have my money!   a FEMALE canadian too at that. geez. producers dont get enough credit on the real.  i want to write a song thats so different from anything ive done that everytime i go to write i freeze. that usually doesn't happen, ill write trash at least until it just starts to flow through me again, but it always goes back to my silly flows.  i wonder if i can do it for real. is Token" that song that i was just straight rappin on?  i dunno. 

i had a weird thing happen to me today, someone asked me about my first orgasm and when i went to really think about it i got a flashback and really had to hold back tears.  i dont know exactly what it was but i have an idea and its weird to even talk about it.  but the universe ya...geez, the universe sent me a virtual event for woman warriors who have been through some SHIT and perservered and they asked me to speak at it.  I wanna share this story of my foster sister that I've shared with 2 people ever and this is the platform to start.  I don't even like to bring it up in therapy because i know it's repressed memories and I truly believe it should stay that way.  I'm fine emotionally and I feel at such peace with who I am today I don't want to become anyone else. 

it's currently like 2am in YYC and I'm just trying to streamline all my social media because I know BreakOut West could be a huge opportunity for me and I wouldn't feel myself if I didn't put my best foot forward.  Listening to whatever spotify is suggesting for me after Neyo's album, I skipped through most of it, sorry boo, just wasn't feeling it at this current state of mind i suppose.  I just keep adding to the list of things i feel i need to do in order to be ready, but i also know that november and december will be relatively quiet and ill be able to just focus on everything i really want to do for this not so secret project i've been working on for the last 2 years.  i've been putting out music here and there in the mean time, as you can tell if you're reading this lol but the project i want to put everything ive learned over the last 3 years towards.  i felt the hard work when i released Hello, and i dont mind it, but i do want to be very selective as to where and what i put that time into.  in the mean time, the universe has been helping me with networking and links i can hold in my pocket until the time is right.  i'll just know when i know and thats real trust lolol. i have trust issues but learning to trust myself has been a wild journey.  i still cry knowing that my gut, or intuition, is right and when i dont follow it i can feel the repercussions coming its wild.  they always do and to be fair, it doesn't hurt as much, but still hurts.  

i always think its funny when people don't see their hypocrital ways, i used to stress on making sure they always see their ways, but as ive grown ive just spent less time on improving people i couldnt care less about.  I just try to be the person i want to see in everyone, treat other people like how i would want them to treat me, and the ppl that mirror that or add to that, stick, and those that don't, don't lol.  it's usually pure conflict and thats the signs to break away but instead we follow feelings and stick to something thats just not meant to.  once i learned that, i feel i really found my elite circle.  i still hold my cards close to my chest and only let ppl see a version of me, but no one needs to know me except my partner, whenever we find each other.  no kids, no partner, no potentials, no pets, no plants lol. i literally just have myself to focus and look out for, all this time and energy solely into myself has to pay off and i would love to be your living proof to follow your goals, follow your dreams, go get that shit, u deserve it.  

one day i will write a book on all the stuff ive been through, especially before i forget it all...i know my brain is weird and seein the future isnt hard..  so i will definitely write this shit down, because im told it would blow ppl's minds, and i don't even say the major shit obv lolol.   i guess you really don't know what you go through until you compare it and then its like, oh ok, i guess i have seen some shit.  but this some real death bed shit so until then, i will write it down in a vault, and maybe once everyone is dead and gone it can be released for the very least to see the connections that truly happen randomly but intentionally every day.  every minute.

i think ima go to sleep now, but this was bless that with the new keyboard ting, i didn't get tired of typing after like 5 min. like you know when you write with a pen and after a while you get that indent on your middle finger and it hurts like wtf.  well for me with typing after a while my wrists hurt.  you too?  oh its normal?  ok well i didnt know this info until like last year lololol. byeeeee

I keep saying I need a break, but like I'm so close I can taste it. I find myself wondering lately if I made the right decision to stay in Mokhintsis and I'm still like 90% sure but it's like dammmnn maybe that clout would be nice.  And then I remember, that's all it would be, clout...for instagram, proof or evidence to show so called haters that i'm doing sumn worthwhile.  But the hunger and knowledge I have at this very moment so unmatched that I laugh alone sometimes before I cry till I knock (sleep). I know that this presence is not temporary and time is fluid so in my mind it's weird but I already feel famous and humble af at the same time.  I know that the hunger I have won't go away and the continued growth is what sets me apart from the rest blah blah omg i sound so cliche rn.  whatever. I work hard and it shows and i'm mad excited for that.  I'm beyond excited for what's coming next.  I will take a break soon, most likely a week off with no phone for my bday haha.  then come back do a show and drop a single who knows. ehhm.. anywho, i appreciate everyone who believes in me.  I wont' give up don't worry.  Everything happens in it's own time, and as I was telling Ani, and she wholly agreed and already had chats with others, we feel like the foundation we have built over the last 2 years is strong AF.  Like when i say branches are strong, i mean like forreal, squad is amazing and every single person is climbing and grinding hard towards their own goals and in turn it just happens to help the collective goals naturally.  I love us.  I feel so blessed. My hand hurts now bye .

I keep thinking of next moves, what am I doing tmrw, next week, next month?  Yet it's soft plans.  Huge follower of the universe and believe we control our own destiny as we settle into our own path and piece to the puzzle of life.  I always used to dream of being a big superstar, shook it off because, doesn't everyone???  What makes me so special that it could actually be true for me?  But then, I divorced a real asshole, while keeping mine in tact, thank you, and a day 1 pointed out to me that: A, I'm single AF, and B, no kids, which equals C, I can do whatever the FUCK I want!  It took me a year or so to actually take his advice, but once all the heartache (from him and my family I lost for a bit), drugs ( I was goin thru some stuff, I tried some shit), wore off, it clicked, it was like oh DAMN.  I legit do whatever I feel every day, every decision and it has led me here.  Where is here you ask?  Here is sitting at this desk typing this shit out, no real objective but I want to start a blog to really talk about my day and show you guys how everything is truly connected.  I can't think of any past stories right now, drawing a fckn blank im hungry lolol but as I remember I will try my best to write them down and share!  

ok tata 4 now dahling.