yep, that's prob the best way to put it lol. I'm uber excited, but also, it's a lot. And I can't even say anything about half of it. but i'm beyond thankful. it's a weird space to be in. But overall, super happy and grateful. I remember when all i wanted was to walk on 17th ave and see my name on a flyer, then i had a (very sexy) girl come up to me and tell me that she saw my name on a flyer in the bathroom at a bar and thats why she came to the show. WILD. that moment sticks with me, cuz how dope is that?!!!! I remember when i just wanted to be in a newspaper, then that happened. then i was like damn id love to be on tv, then THAT happened. my next big thing I'm manifesting is doing a feature verse for a legend. I picture myself getting the stamp of approval by missy one day. And I do “work it” for her. Also I see myself playing Queen latifah in her movie they will inevitably do about her. i figure i'll be big enough by then that my name could be in the running, sure why not. I was in a movie once lol. Naija movie actually, I played the bad influence canadian to the god fearing Nigerian daughter in the film. it was fun. cringy to watch myself on a big screen, in a theatre, all dressed up cuz it was red carpet and stuff at globe theatre hehe. oh man. don't ask me the name of that movie, i genuinely don't remember. But I bet Nardwar will find it lolol. I remember when I wanted music to be the reason I travel to new places. last year i touched, Manchester, London, Rotterdam, Yellowknife. I'm not bragging, I'm just really trying to remind myself how far I've come, and to keep manifesting amazing opportunities and to take the pizza out of the oven now omg its prob burning smh. ya ok its not burnt, but its way to hot eat right now, so figured id come finish this up. this world is fucked up. and i'm just trying to stay in my blessings to help change the world. like, for me, it really feels like music is my path and piece to contribute in this wild world and somehow maybe i can ignite change within some ppl thru my words. i'm meant for great things, i know that now, and it's not cocky, or whatever, its confidence.
Viewing: Daily Thoughts - View all posts
can't get it out of my head
this memory is stuck on my brain today so figured id just write it out. maybe its because i was on the but for the first time in forever, so it just brought me back to some foul memories in my life lol. anyway here we go.
so on my 5 year anniversary, i found out that my ex's friends had no clue that we were together lol. ya. 5 years. his friends thought that I just brought him to the country for paperwork and i caught feelings or something and I just get upset for no reason. i was in shock. we had gone to BC for a nice get away with a nother couple, they didnt know were celebrating an anniversary, they JUST thought it was my bday and my ex REALLY thought he could get thru the wknd withoutj shit blwoing up in his face. wild. but alas, i pretended like i didnt know the whole drive back. omg wait, rewind, i remember buying my bday cake from DQ, and this man wouldnt even get out of the car. and then when we brought it back to the cabin, the 3 of us were there doing a lil bday cake thing, u kno, as one does. and he wouldnt leave the living room. he just said gwan go cut the cake i dont want no cake. i cant blv the situation i was in, but while i was in it, this all just seems normal. like im very much just let ur partner be whoever they wanna be, do whatever they wanna do, and he fully took advantage of that. but that whole day, that trip, was just rude af. i remember he dipped and went and played pool, i wasnt allowed to join lol. yes its my bday and our anniversary…i dunno. i was foolish. clearly. i mean he had a girl living in a house we both own… within a week (prob a few days really) after i finally left him and the house. NUFF SAID.
anyway, i let my ice cream cake melt in the trunk that day on the way back to the city. i also stayed with him for a few months after that, until one day i finally got “my proof” (like being ridiculed by his friends wasn't enough lol) and i dipped one night. whatever i could fit in my 2 door civic and dipped to edmonton for my year and a half long bender to get out of whatever toxic shit i was under for 5 years. then i started music…the rest is MYstory.
i cant even say so much about all the shit. theres so much shit. i hope to tell my story one day, but i need to fully understand about defamation and see what i can and cannot say, because he WILL come after me for defamation…if i could pubicly tell u the situation im in RIGHT NOW cuz of this guy…pssh but i cant. legally. so…im venting about old memories for now lol.
Magic
So I tried to play a new card game today, its called magic i think and it looks super cool. but i couldnt let myself actually just have fun and learn because i couldnt stop thinking about all the things i have to get done for this release. and before the secret thing happens. even having a show next week im happy for, it'll help me pay for the video. also i might be joining big bro on a lil tour support ting the first week of may. which just basically means im losing a week of prep. take aim needs the press release and stuff sooner than later. doesnt look like ill have the video ready but it is what it is. im workin on it. ya know. finally started the press release for bbbo which means that i can just finish it and do touch ups until i get the cover art sorted. im running out of time and the album doesnt come out till sept. wtf.
also chat gpt just saved me lmfao cuz like i was stuck on what to write about, cuz like. i gotta brag about me…but chat gpt knows me better than i knowmyself damn. i had to step back, like wait ur right, i AM a trail blazer. anyway. im watchin these guys play magic and im gonna put my laptop down and join them for a bit before i head out. first stop is one big jam where catfish is, and then i won tix to a comedy show. couldnt really find ppl to come last minute…lol but Ima go with aliza and eat that pizza!!
how?!?!
how am i supposed to keep this video to myself. its the first cut from @marycloseup and im obsessed. i can't blv its her first music video. but also i can because she does commercial type video, but her insta is creative AF. so i mean..the its there girl, i was not even that surprised. UR FKN TALENTED. anyway ok so im happy i got to touch this blog again. i woke up with some mad cramps. i dont think i've had cramps like these for maybe over a year, maybe 2! thankfully i numbed it with like everything. cbd oil, cramps be gone from highku, pain pills, edibles. it finally subdued a little a couple hours ago, and now i just need to sustain this mixture of drugs. lol. jks. whenever its this bad, it doesnt last more than 12 hours, then it just hurts like normal for the rest of the week.
im supposed to do shrooms and create tonight at my fave place, wizards palace, but i've been pity eating chocolate ALL DAY, (mini eggs are killer and the insta cart accidentally gave me a fam size bag last wknd, and ive been workin my way through it today HEAVY) no for real, its a $18 bag fam lol. i would NEVER buy that, but if they mess up then they mess up. ce la vie. anyway, all of that to say that i dont think i should do shrooms. sounds like a concoction for gut rot or some shit. and ive never been the designated sober person, so lets try that tonight. i really wanna create a vogue track. i just need to really step into my bad bitch mentality, it got so stripped down with my marriage, then i went like SUPER confident but a false confidence (drugs) after my separation and after that year of partying lol i've been struggling to get back to my pre married super confident T. it'll come, i'm not worried about it cuz im working on it. omg and last night i got a super dope compliment!! a friend said that my voice control sounds so much better! i almost cried, cuz ive really been workin on that for the past year. since that live recording came out when me and riz headlined a nye party, they released the live versions, which are still on spotify, but I was so upset at myself. to be fair, i was going through a world of emotions on that stage, but still. pushin thru is what i do!!
stayin busy busy. i gotta run. just got off work a bit early and i forgot to put my towels in the dryer….so now i gotta wait to take a shower and get ready to head to catfish spot lmfao. but that's cool. i got time. time is fluid. and everthing happens when it's supposed to. for the most part. omg maybe i should bring midi and laptop and try making beats tonight since ill be sober (ish). hmmmmmm. intersting i can feel my cramps coming back in. oooof on some sharp pain shit. how dare u. ok im gone. fuck it ill air dry.
wow 3 in one day
hmmmm. i wonder if I'll keep this going. I kinda like talking to no one pubicly right now. it's a vibe lol. i go through waves of liking things, which is another reason why I know music is for me. I still love it, likes it's my baby and I'm proud to love it and being stuck with it life long isn't a scary thing. ya know? im sure ppl with kids get it. maybe? i wouldn't know… anyway. guess what I didnt get to today lololl. press release. but thats ok! cuz im off work at 2 tmrw and I can mos def finish it tmrw afternoon. I got so sidetracked updating everything, worth it tho, needed to be done. I love my view from my balcony. my work station and my lil at home studio just faces out my balcony and I can see random tall buildings kinda far but not that far away. sometimes i wonder if any of them have binoculars, cuz it's definetly an easy scope, i have my light on, u can see right in here. but ive come so far with my confidence in music that i have practices solo in my living room. going hard as a mofo, knowing that potential someone could be watching or worse, recording lolol. but meh. leak it when we famous, it'll be funny lololol. just cut the parts if u catch me pickin my face or something i beg. what am i sayin…like the person is gonna read this. anyway i had a really good day. I haven't had one of these days in a really long time where i could just focus on all my cool things. like updating spotify for artists, and songkick, that tells ppl on streaming platforms when my next shows are, updating my whole website! i figured out how to add downloadable links for hi-res pics!! thats a huge level up for me. i cant wait to tackle the press relerase tmrw. then tuesday afternoon i can practice my beat making!!! I gotta get decent at this by mid april for reasons….and i gotta carve out time to learn! also get to sit down with catfish soon and actually do the cover arts for album and next single!! aaahhh and maybe even 3rd single. see how time goes. also i keep trying diff things for my scalp treatments after i do my apple cidar vinegar rinse, (its like a 3-4x a year thing). so far for the last few years i havent found anything that soothed and fit with my hair. i shall keep trying. right now its teatree oil sumn sumn. it has tea in it, and thats my name, so it should work. right? ya ya. tea logic.
also if ur a crypto geek, i got sumn comin for u too. I've actually done virtual shows where i get paid in bitcoin, cuz..why not…lets see what happens ya kno. and catfish made these dope gifs. bet i could make some coin sellin them on the block chain. did i say that right? im learning. anyway stay tuned. yay work tmrw morning….i love my job cuz i can work from anywhere and make my own hours and everyone is really nice, but i'm sure even they know, it won't last forever. and i kinda feel like it's coming close. cuz im like, really fckn busy and i dont even have back to back shows. still sayin yes to (most) collabs tho!!!
as i uploaded the pic i reminded myself i also need to get ON my merch. whoops. also shout out begonia for this merch idea.