yep, that's prob the best way to put it lol. I'm uber excited, but also, it's a lot. And I can't even say anything about half of it. but i'm beyond thankful. it's a weird space to be in. But overall, super happy and grateful. I remember when all i wanted was to walk on 17th ave and see my name on a flyer, then i had a (very sexy) girl come up to me and tell me that she saw my name on a flyer in the bathroom at a bar and thats why she came to the show. WILD. that moment sticks with me, cuz how dope is that?!!!! I remember when i just wanted to be in a newspaper, then that happened. then i was like damn id love to be on tv, then THAT happened. my next big thing I'm manifesting is doing a feature verse for a legend. I picture myself getting the stamp of approval by missy one day. And I do “work it” for her. Also I see myself playing Queen latifah in her movie they will inevitably do about her. i figure i'll be big enough by then that my name could be in the running, sure why not. I was in a movie once lol. Naija movie actually, I played the bad influence canadian to the god fearing Nigerian daughter in the film. it was fun. cringy to watch myself on a big screen, in a theatre, all dressed up cuz it was red carpet and stuff at globe theatre hehe. oh man. don't ask me the name of that movie, i genuinely don't remember. But I bet Nardwar will find it lolol. I remember when I wanted music to be the reason I travel to new places. last year i touched, Manchester, London, Rotterdam, Yellowknife. I'm not bragging, I'm just really trying to remind myself how far I've come, and to keep manifesting amazing opportunities and to take the pizza out of the oven now omg its prob burning smh. ya ok its not burnt, but its way to hot eat right now, so figured id come finish this up. this world is fucked up. and i'm just trying to stay in my blessings to help change the world. like, for me, it really feels like music is my path and piece to contribute in this wild world and somehow maybe i can ignite change within some ppl thru my words. i'm meant for great things, i know that now, and it's not cocky, or whatever, its confidence.
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can't get it out of my head
this memory is stuck on my brain today so figured id just write it out. maybe its because i was on the but for the first time in forever, so it just brought me back to some foul memories in my life lol. anyway here we go.
so on my 5 year anniversary, i found out that my ex's friends had no clue that we were together lol. ya. 5 years. his friends thought that I just brought him to the country for paperwork and i caught feelings or something and I just get upset for no reason. i was in shock. we had gone to BC for a nice get away with a nother couple, they didnt know were celebrating an anniversary, they JUST thought it was my bday and my ex REALLY thought he could get thru the wknd withoutj shit blwoing up in his face. wild. but alas, i pretended like i didnt know the whole drive back. omg wait, rewind, i remember buying my bday cake from DQ, and this man wouldnt even get out of the car. and then when we brought it back to the cabin, the 3 of us were there doing a lil bday cake thing, u kno, as one does. and he wouldnt leave the living room. he just said gwan go cut the cake i dont want no cake. i cant blv the situation i was in, but while i was in it, this all just seems normal. like im very much just let ur partner be whoever they wanna be, do whatever they wanna do, and he fully took advantage of that. but that whole day, that trip, was just rude af. i remember he dipped and went and played pool, i wasnt allowed to join lol. yes its my bday and our anniversary…i dunno. i was foolish. clearly. i mean he had a girl living in a house we both own… within a week (prob a few days really) after i finally left him and the house. NUFF SAID.
anyway, i let my ice cream cake melt in the trunk that day on the way back to the city. i also stayed with him for a few months after that, until one day i finally got “my proof” (like being ridiculed by his friends wasn't enough lol) and i dipped one night. whatever i could fit in my 2 door civic and dipped to edmonton for my year and a half long bender to get out of whatever toxic shit i was under for 5 years. then i started music…the rest is MYstory.
i cant even say so much about all the shit. theres so much shit. i hope to tell my story one day, but i need to fully understand about defamation and see what i can and cannot say, because he WILL come after me for defamation…if i could pubicly tell u the situation im in RIGHT NOW cuz of this guy…pssh but i cant. legally. so…im venting about old memories for now lol.
Magic
So I tried to play a new card game today, its called magic i think and it looks super cool. but i couldnt let myself actually just have fun and learn because i couldnt stop thinking about all the things i have to get done for this release. and before the secret thing happens. even having a show next week im happy for, it'll help me pay for the video. also i might be joining big bro on a lil tour support ting the first week of may. which just basically means im losing a week of prep. take aim needs the press release and stuff sooner than later. doesnt look like ill have the video ready but it is what it is. im workin on it. ya know. finally started the press release for bbbo which means that i can just finish it and do touch ups until i get the cover art sorted. im running out of time and the album doesnt come out till sept. wtf.
also chat gpt just saved me lmfao cuz like i was stuck on what to write about, cuz like. i gotta brag about me…but chat gpt knows me better than i knowmyself damn. i had to step back, like wait ur right, i AM a trail blazer. anyway. im watchin these guys play magic and im gonna put my laptop down and join them for a bit before i head out. first stop is one big jam where catfish is, and then i won tix to a comedy show. couldnt really find ppl to come last minute…lol but Ima go with aliza and eat that pizza!!
wow 3 in one day
hmmmm. i wonder if I'll keep this going. I kinda like talking to no one pubicly right now. it's a vibe lol. i go through waves of liking things, which is another reason why I know music is for me. I still love it, likes it's my baby and I'm proud to love it and being stuck with it life long isn't a scary thing. ya know? im sure ppl with kids get it. maybe? i wouldn't know… anyway. guess what I didnt get to today lololl. press release. but thats ok! cuz im off work at 2 tmrw and I can mos def finish it tmrw afternoon. I got so sidetracked updating everything, worth it tho, needed to be done. I love my view from my balcony. my work station and my lil at home studio just faces out my balcony and I can see random tall buildings kinda far but not that far away. sometimes i wonder if any of them have binoculars, cuz it's definetly an easy scope, i have my light on, u can see right in here. but ive come so far with my confidence in music that i have practices solo in my living room. going hard as a mofo, knowing that potential someone could be watching or worse, recording lolol. but meh. leak it when we famous, it'll be funny lololol. just cut the parts if u catch me pickin my face or something i beg. what am i sayin…like the person is gonna read this. anyway i had a really good day. I haven't had one of these days in a really long time where i could just focus on all my cool things. like updating spotify for artists, and songkick, that tells ppl on streaming platforms when my next shows are, updating my whole website! i figured out how to add downloadable links for hi-res pics!! thats a huge level up for me. i cant wait to tackle the press relerase tmrw. then tuesday afternoon i can practice my beat making!!! I gotta get decent at this by mid april for reasons….and i gotta carve out time to learn! also get to sit down with catfish soon and actually do the cover arts for album and next single!! aaahhh and maybe even 3rd single. see how time goes. also i keep trying diff things for my scalp treatments after i do my apple cidar vinegar rinse, (its like a 3-4x a year thing). so far for the last few years i havent found anything that soothed and fit with my hair. i shall keep trying. right now its teatree oil sumn sumn. it has tea in it, and thats my name, so it should work. right? ya ya. tea logic.
also if ur a crypto geek, i got sumn comin for u too. I've actually done virtual shows where i get paid in bitcoin, cuz..why not…lets see what happens ya kno. and catfish made these dope gifs. bet i could make some coin sellin them on the block chain. did i say that right? im learning. anyway stay tuned. yay work tmrw morning….i love my job cuz i can work from anywhere and make my own hours and everyone is really nice, but i'm sure even they know, it won't last forever. and i kinda feel like it's coming close. cuz im like, really fckn busy and i dont even have back to back shows. still sayin yes to (most) collabs tho!!!
as i uploaded the pic i reminded myself i also need to get ON my merch. whoops. also shout out begonia for this merch idea.
so instead of...
right. ok so instead of working on this press release, cuz honestly its the funnest part of this whole shit, but because of that, i save it till last. i do the harder shit first. blame pops. anyway. i wanted to check in and show yall that its now after 3pm and i think i wrote the first blog like early this morning. and ive been updating everything else since then lmao. im just gonna roll up, go outside and smoke, and come back ready to start my faves. but its great, that my bandcamp is updated, the website with new pics, though still figuring out the links to download the high res pic. next venture. shit i should do that before i go smoke so allll i have to focus on is the press releases. oh ya, add lyrics for the album on that list of things to do before end of april. whoops. okok. but ya, nuff stuff is updated now, i feel better. its like doing the dishes. it just eases ur brain right. just me? ok cool. cool.
Here We Goooooooo
if you immediately heard n'sync, shoot me a dm cuz we old in this bish.
I'm so excited for the work I have ahead of me. It's all towards my baby (the album). i can't wait for yall to hear it!! I don't know if it will change anything but I know it's for a purpose that its coming out now, after so long. This album has been 4 years in the making! unknowingly too, i mean we started out to make a 3 or 4 song EP, and junez just said, hey lets just vibe out and record over the next while and see where we land, choose a few tracks and put out an EP. But then we accidentally made banger, after banger, after banger, in my opinion anyway haha. we couldn't cut ANY from the project, so the EP, funded by canada council, ended up being a whole ass project!
i just realized im legit supposed to writing the press release for this right now and instead im like, lemme hit the blog i havent touched in a min, and by accident, im basically writing the press release…i may have to copy and paste some of the above, dang i went off for a min had to catch myself. ok ok so anyway, I think maybe I look like it's easy peasy stuff we do, but it's hard work, i just love every aspect of it so i'm having fun hehe. and money is weird for me, but thats another story. might hear about it later on a something i cant mention. hahaha. list of things to do before the end of april? most even before end of march? lets see:
press release for bbbo; press release for album; bbbo release date; bbbo video promo ready; schedule posts for may; schedule posts for april; practice blue jay sessions set; song for karlotta; find funding for 2nd video; apply for grants for vids after album; write liner notes for bandcamp/vinyl; reach out to vinyl lady; sort professional pics; finalize divorce ish; learning to make beats; credits for all instruments on album; ummmm i think that's it, although i'm sure im forgetting some things lol.
And i'm super excited doing all of this, i have a white board to sort out what i do after work each day. i was able to change my schedule to 6 hours a day at my job instead of 8, which helps a lot, starting to work on my art from like 2 or 3pm in the day is a blessing. i can still be in bed by 9 or 10 most time, unless it's a session or show or something. aaaahh sorry im listening to the album rn and my fave song just came on. oooff i cant wait for yall to hear it. did i say that already??
It's kinda cool too cuz i'm sure if ur reading this, it's cuz you've been to a show, so you've prob actually heard a song or 2 from the album, but what's amazing is that instrumentation and harmonies and verses etc have been added so it's not going to be what you saw me perform. a lil same same but diff. shit im writin the press release basically aren't i. ok well i should prob just go do that. I have so much more to say for the blog tho..
january was amazeballs cuz i got to sit in the room whle junez mixed it. being a part of that really made me realize, it's my baby, this is happening, it's coming out! I wanted to create something you can listen to years later.
ummm album mode? still....
dafuq does album mode mean anyway lol. if i could take time off of my 9-5 and just focus on my album for 2 weeks, that would be blesssssss. but i took a week off a couple months ago to do just that, and…well it didn't happen. i decided to listen to my body and take a break instead. twas much needed but dammmmnnn. working 40 hours a week and trying work on an album virtually is no small feat. im here for it though. very thankful and grateful to be able to finally release this work of art! it was only supposed to be a few songs, but over the last few years its turned into something really cool. im still unsure of how i want to release it to the world. would be great if i could hit you with a single every month. but really….marketing wise…its seems better, so far in my research, to pay to market an album as opposed to one single. cost is high regardless lol. currently on hold with chefs plate cuz …well long story but i was updating my website and like, i havent done a blog in a MINUTE. dailies is the goal. at least voice notes cuz these random connections are wild. anyway. just a quick hi and bye. also theres a friendly ghost in my condo. ok time to work on this podcast for tuesday. hi im tea, i procrastinate, have we met.
can we have a hold music revolution? each company plays their local music only.
Check out this fckn day i had yesterday
omgeeee so im workin my regular 9-5. as emails come in i'm adding to my to do list on my white board for later. and then..i see an email. for some reason, this email came in at like 9am but it didnt pop up on my phone until like 1130am. It was New Skool Rules asking if i'm still interested in performing in the netherlands. WTF. so i immediately respond YES. in formal words lol. and do a quick google search of flights. 3k+. i close it right away because i kno how prices go up the more u search. this is a later task. np. side note, i really want to go to Catfish tuesday night jam, it's been a MINUTE. but with this now, im thinking ok ill just go for an hour or so after work. anywho, i ask a few ppl who know about grants, general concesus is apply for travel grant ASAP (first for me) and maybe I can get 1k back…so now im like. hmmm am i moving in haste again…should i stop to make sure it's worth it to spend soooo much money and go so far solo, to perform for a few minutes. but here's the thing, NSR is one of my top 2 festivals to get into. Showcase festivals don't pay but if you put on a good show, it could change your career. You get to perform in front of real industry professionals. just like BreakOut West, but this isn't focused on Western canada. NSR is worldwide and focused on urban music. bruh. Mouraine's been there, Arlo's been there, I'm sure Sinzere's been there. man im just goin all inside my head yesterday. i have to go. i'm going. I will find a way like I do with my whole life. why not. Lately Ive been investing in myself, investing in my music, i used to search out ways to only do this for free because I just don't have the funds, free vids, beats etc. through collabing. my time for yours. just vibe. but i spent about $200 applying for festivals and awards ive never applied to before. let's see what happens. Breakout west was the first festival i spent money on to apply, and i went to manchester in december, and got into new skool rules because of links i made there! anywho im off topic, shit. mmmm ya, yesterday. So my head is spinning because i want to be excited that im going, also i feel like im already there, and i cant afford it. It's on mom's credit card for now. and i will be paying it back for months. and im okay with that. i literally had a headache cuz i felt like i was feeling so many things. i couldn't concentrate. I reached out to everyone for advice that i possibly could. Catch the universe now….so last week i decided to sit and do my taxes, why? who knows. but now I will have a tiny bit i can just throw on this trip right away. or have $500 in my pocket for food when I go! Oh ya forgot to mention, usually when u get into these showcase festivals, you know wellll in advance, gives you time to apply for travel grants, you can bring your band, team, etc. because showcase festivals don't pay, it's an opportunity. so back to universe, taxes, cool, one of the 2 other artists that I know, and happen to be going to the festival as well, Trp.P, is performing like 20 min after me at the same venue. so boom, i can ask one of them to dj my set. i'll bring my laptop, and for the first time just have a long 12 min mp3 of my performance instead of having the dj start and stop the songs ya know? all they gotta do is press spacebar on the laptop once. and it'll just run through. I can practice it over the next 4 weeks until the show. oh ya, this shit is in 4 weeks. ok ok sooooo, after work now it's time to investigate the real logistics of this trip and HOW i'm going to make it work BAMN (by any means necessary). then. thanks to my trip to the UK in december, partially funded by CADA, i remembered ppl travel by train there. like everywhere. and i was going to go to prague when i was there last time. so boom i found a flight for $1200 round trip to london. then the bus/train to rotterdam will be around $500 maybe even less. I'm working on that today, last night was a mess. and my mom really wants points so i guess im helping her with her xmas trip this year by doing that so it works out. i dont feel burdened on anyone yay lol. so live on twitch last night, i was on the phone back and forth with a few ppl, and booked my flights! one part down. yay. the accomadations are a whole other thing. im looking at around $1500 alone for hotel, travel around, food, festival ticket, and best blv i'm getting into all the networking events i can! im going to be there friday may 12, network the shit out of the wknd, then i perform sunday may 14. so i can talk myself up, then prove it the last night. i got this! im hoping this opens more opportunities for me and the band. the city deserves a win. we'll see! i'm a show whore. i love performing. im trying to get more used to performing on the spot. #virgo i like to prepare lol. oh and im starting my first go fund me. ugh. im not excited, i dont like beggin for money. always felt like, if i dont have the money for it then i dont deserve it. but ya know what yall, $5 helps. honestly. so i'm gonna be setting that up today. my goal is 3k. right now, i'm trying to just stuff everything in a carry on and backpack. I'll probably do a pop up show fundraiser. TPE gracefully offered the venue in support of a fundraiser. Soooo i'm thinking 3 avenues. for ppl who dont like fo fund me, they can use the tip jar on my website or donate cash at the fundraiser.
Album Mode
ouuuu i'm so excited for this year. this is the first year i kinda have everything planned until about november. except for shows that keep showing up in my inbox and dm's yaaay. i stopped for a moment to think like what do i do if this shit actually starts to plateau….but then remembered how powerful my manifestation powers be right now lol. so lemme just not…im even careful about what lyrics im listening too lately. mad full of myself right now. i came back from UK so much lighter. but heavier at the same time…had one of the most traumatic experiences (that i remember anyway, fan of suppressed mems) a week before i left for edmonton. The tuesday before juno's, also a day before my first juno week performance, i finally felt back to myself. i mean like myself like pre marriage self. i got married in 2011, so ya been a MINUTE. this is the long weekend and while everyone has family plans and stuff, my fam owns a restuarant so we rarely celebrate these holidays, they'll be working and i'll be at home in my office virgoing out to the fullest. im so pumped getting all my shit organized. my goal is to make everything set in such a way so my weekdays are not as hectic. set stuff up for once a week updates. stick with them so im not scrambling for 3 hours of time to catch up. i have about 2 hours worth of emails to reply to, and about 3 hours set aside to apply for festivals. ive been fortunate enough to not really apply or look for shows, but after my breakoutwest experience, ive been wanting more festivals like those. im doing a big calgary festival this year, not announced yet so can't share yet but i cant wait!! July…ehhm thats all ima say. First up! East town get down. How do tours work? I never realized i do a lot of shows…i just thought this was normal and everyone does a lot of shows. i turn shows down too, if it's a conflict of time or conflict of interest. i was just living my dream being hypeman for Riz. then i got to have him be hypeman for me? geezus. i dont even know which came first actually. im still so shocked at how every little step, every song, every lyric, has a story lol. one day it'll all come out, for now i consider them like easter eggs for the super fans like misty and falon. lately, im still following what i feel, and what i feel is to do it on a bigger scale. ya i kno ppl have given me advice last year and year before that im now implementing, come and say i told u so, but timing is everything. and i always gotta do what feels right. this year, yall will finally get to hear the baby ive been making for 3 years. theres a reason im taking time with this one. u shall see. ooowwweeee. aaahhh im fckn pumped dude. for real. amped. and ready to make everyone proud thats been like: “have u heard this rapper Tea Fannie or sumn like that, shes dope, no i swear shes the next big superstar, watch” i need to make everyone who's ever said that to someone, right. that will happen. im really not proofing this time. just post. i got nuff to do. oouuu can i upload a pic? please hold. aayyy there we go. ok so i decided to just write everything down for the whole wknd instead of splitting it into days. ill write my week on sunday. but i wanna see what i can get done before sunday. and take the day to do NOTHING. owww wish me luck.
Juno Week! whoa
I wrote “juno” on my wall on Jan. 01 2023. part of my vision board for the year. i also wrote exclaim and got added to their playlist a month ago. trying my best to stay present in the moment but my mind stays in the future where i wanna be so its hard. im in the middle of #myroadtojunos. which is a tag i just decided to use for snap so i can keep track of all the shit im doin. tryin my best to take vids and pics for the most part. my week started on wednesday with a highku womens day event. which lemme pause and say how proud i am of highku for how far she's grown her business and does what she says she's gonna do from time. its always just one day at a time and just keep pushing through. i really just typed some foul shit and deleted it cuz my mind went to sumn but im not gonna write about it. not even in my songs. cuz it aint worth the headache and i have no emotions towards that situation. anywho. week started wednesday and got to do a spoken word. which im starting to really feel more and more. its an amazing outlet. they made bath bombs but i had to jet to rehearsals with The spanish flies. they are so amazing its so cool to be around the talent im around. ive always been a fan of dope shit and not afraid to show it. i hope that never changes. after rehearsal headed to my etown home. i think i rested? lol woke up and had to hit the malls cuz u know, red carpet was last minute, we ballin on a budget and we got it done. i spent about $15 on juno related clothes n jewellry not bad. dont watch my spellin idc rn lolol. i dont care right now. that was for u lucy. its almost 11am and i need to get ready for event 1 of 3 for the day lol. not including rehearsals if i can fit that in. ok. so day 2, shoppin right. ok we ready. and mainly cuz ani got my shirts ready for the red carpet so i just needed accessories. ronald picked me up with josh and david! so excited to see them. david is such a blessed soul. and i hadnt seen ron since grant mac in the summer! small world i didnt even know they were friends. yaay!! okok focused. 6 min left. kk so …still did a long weed pause dammit. okok. and im okay with that. owww. welcome to my brain. iight. so we went to eat and then to venue for our show. 2nd performance for me woot woot. we smashed it. me qing and ani. i twerked a little lol. i love how engaged the audience was to my lyrics. alex the sound guy was amazing with the sound. AMAZING. im so bad at remembering names too so thats how u know! mm after that we chilled im pretty sure. i was home by like 11 i think. i worked on the verse im gonna do with d'orjay today cuz of some last minute changes but u know me. i love rollin with the punches to fight my virgo. that sounded sarcastic but it really does help me feel growth. i got the verse down aaayyy. sleep. ok now i work my job 8-4 friday. ugh. so i do that, then right after get ready to head to junofest to see tea g and perform with spanish flies. that was soooo dope. i was able to see 2 dope acts that ive never seen before. i LOOOVE experienceing new artists for the first time when they're that amazing. ugh. Ru and Bardic Form. and of course seeing Tea g perform for the first time. shes a fckn powerhouse. then i started to feel my energy draining..just from everything from the week. i could feel it. talia and i dipped. then we met dan of bluejay sessions and he took us out to the cabin. a great networking event to just let loose and enjoy the company of some amazing dope artists in the city of multiple genres. now to today. highku is gone to her event early. im gonna be there for noonish. and its 11 just now on the dot so ima go get ready. my nails need a quick redo too smh. whyd i think theyd last lol
aaaahhhhh juno week. did i really just say that?
and i still came back and re read it so now its 1105 smh. bye
Ayyy im back again and so much sooner! oww.
Currently smoking a spliff, and listening to socialogic. fave day of the week is Tuesday. Also Tea Fannie tuesday just aired on CKXU, episode with my big bro K-Riz and I. Oh and I'm making a burger in the oven right now. got tired of stove top and I'm doing too much rn. had a good friend ask me if i think im doing too much today, and to be fair, i can see how it looks so, but its weird to explain, its just a path I'm supposed to follow for now. maybe there're skills i need to acquire, or maybe i need to fully burn out. i dont know. but i know that for now i'm just going until i'm not supposed to anymore. writing this live on camera too, haha ay we live on twitch, socialogic, every tuesday night. vibes.
ok just flipped my burger and pressed lap on my timer. its weird. i dont use the countdown timer, i use the stopwatch because i'm trying to get a feel for how long things take to cook and not rely solely on a timer if that makes sense? not for any reason at all, just because. lol i also don't own a microwave, don't buy me one, get me an air fryer if anything lol. i want to jump on that hypetrain so bad.
back to, am i doin too much? i know the focus is on the music but recently my "spare" time has been towards the weekly podcast. Someone anonymously asked me if i think community radio is worth it. i said hell ya because my show especially is all about canadian music and i want to showcase a station can be just that, all canadian hands dipped. my show tonight was all songs that most people (including me) didn't even know were written or produced by canadians. like bitch betta have my money! a FEMALE canadian too at that. geez. producers dont get enough credit on the real. i want to write a song thats so different from anything ive done that everytime i go to write i freeze. that usually doesn't happen, ill write trash at least until it just starts to flow through me again, but it always goes back to my silly flows. i wonder if i can do it for real. is Token" that song that i was just straight rappin on? i dunno.
i had a weird thing happen to me today, someone asked me about my first orgasm and when i went to really think about it i got a flashback and really had to hold back tears. i dont know exactly what it was but i have an idea and its weird to even talk about it. but the universe ya...geez, the universe sent me a virtual event for woman warriors who have been through some SHIT and perservered and they asked me to speak at it. I wanna share this story of my foster sister that I've shared with 2 people ever and this is the platform to start. I don't even like to bring it up in therapy because i know it's repressed memories and I truly believe it should stay that way. I'm fine emotionally and I feel at such peace with who I am today I don't want to become anyone else.
3rd post lol 4 months later, ok getting better
it's currently like 2am in YYC and I'm just trying to streamline all my social media because I know BreakOut West could be a huge opportunity for me and I wouldn't feel myself if I didn't put my best foot forward. Listening to whatever spotify is suggesting for me after Neyo's album, I skipped through most of it, sorry boo, just wasn't feeling it at this current state of mind i suppose. I just keep adding to the list of things i feel i need to do in order to be ready, but i also know that november and december will be relatively quiet and ill be able to just focus on everything i really want to do for this not so secret project i've been working on for the last 2 years. i've been putting out music here and there in the mean time, as you can tell if you're reading this lol but the project i want to put everything ive learned over the last 3 years towards. i felt the hard work when i released Hello, and i dont mind it, but i do want to be very selective as to where and what i put that time into. in the mean time, the universe has been helping me with networking and links i can hold in my pocket until the time is right. i'll just know when i know and thats real trust lolol. i have trust issues but learning to trust myself has been a wild journey. i still cry knowing that my gut, or intuition, is right and when i dont follow it i can feel the repercussions coming its wild. they always do and to be fair, it doesn't hurt as much, but still hurts.
i always think its funny when people don't see their hypocrital ways, i used to stress on making sure they always see their ways, but as ive grown ive just spent less time on improving people i couldnt care less about. I just try to be the person i want to see in everyone, treat other people like how i would want them to treat me, and the ppl that mirror that or add to that, stick, and those that don't, don't lol. it's usually pure conflict and thats the signs to break away but instead we follow feelings and stick to something thats just not meant to. once i learned that, i feel i really found my elite circle. i still hold my cards close to my chest and only let ppl see a version of me, but no one needs to know me except my partner, whenever we find each other. no kids, no partner, no potentials, no pets, no plants lol. i literally just have myself to focus and look out for, all this time and energy solely into myself has to pay off and i would love to be your living proof to follow your goals, follow your dreams, go get that shit, u deserve it.
one day i will write a book on all the stuff ive been through, especially before i forget it all...i know my brain is weird and seein the future isnt hard.. so i will definitely write this shit down, because im told it would blow ppl's minds, and i don't even say the major shit obv lolol. i guess you really don't know what you go through until you compare it and then its like, oh ok, i guess i have seen some shit. but this some real death bed shit so until then, i will write it down in a vault, and maybe once everyone is dead and gone it can be released for the very least to see the connections that truly happen randomly but intentionally every day. every minute.
i think ima go to sleep now, but this was bless that with the new keyboard ting, i didn't get tired of typing after like 5 min. like you know when you write with a pen and after a while you get that indent on your middle finger and it hurts like wtf. well for me with typing after a while my wrists hurt. you too? oh its normal? ok well i didnt know this info until like last year lololol. byeeeee
2nd one... 5 months later. bhahahah ya thats me..
I keep saying I need a break, but like I'm so close I can taste it. I find myself wondering lately if I made the right decision to stay in Mokhintsis and I'm still like 90% sure but it's like dammmnn maybe that clout would be nice. And then I remember, that's all it would be, clout...for instagram, proof or evidence to show so called haters that i'm doing sumn worthwhile. But the hunger and knowledge I have at this very moment so unmatched that I laugh alone sometimes before I cry till I knock (sleep). I know that this presence is not temporary and time is fluid so in my mind it's weird but I already feel famous and humble af at the same time. I know that the hunger I have won't go away and the continued growth is what sets me apart from the rest blah blah omg i sound so cliche rn. whatever. I work hard and it shows and i'm mad excited for that. I'm beyond excited for what's coming next. I will take a break soon, most likely a week off with no phone for my bday haha. then come back do a show and drop a single who knows. ehhm.. anywho, i appreciate everyone who believes in me. I wont' give up don't worry. Everything happens in it's own time, and as I was telling Ani, and she wholly agreed and already had chats with others, we feel like the foundation we have built over the last 2 years is strong AF. Like when i say branches are strong, i mean like forreal, squad is amazing and every single person is climbing and grinding hard towards their own goals and in turn it just happens to help the collective goals naturally. I love us. I feel so blessed. My hand hurts now bye .
First One owwwww
I keep thinking of next moves, what am I doing tmrw, next week, next month? Yet it's soft plans. Huge follower of the universe and believe we control our own destiny as we settle into our own path and piece to the puzzle of life. I always used to dream of being a big superstar, shook it off because, doesn't everyone??? What makes me so special that it could actually be true for me? But then, I divorced a real asshole, while keeping mine in tact, thank you, and a day 1 pointed out to me that: A, I'm single AF, and B, no kids, which equals C, I can do whatever the FUCK I want! It took me a year or so to actually take his advice, but once all the heartache (from him and my family I lost for a bit), drugs ( I was goin thru some stuff, I tried some shit), wore off, it clicked, it was like oh DAMN. I legit do whatever I feel every day, every decision and it has led me here. Where is here you ask? Here is sitting at this desk typing this shit out, no real objective but I want to start a blog to really talk about my day and show you guys how everything is truly connected. I can't think of any past stories right now, drawing a fckn blank im hungry lolol but as I remember I will try my best to write them down and share!
ok tata 4 now dahling.